Okra, it's not slimy anymore!

Well, sort of...

Okra; natures little joke on us to see if we will eat anything. What the heck is it? It's this alien looking vegetable straight out of "invasion of the body snatchers".



Ask any good southerner how they like to eat it and they will say, "Well, let's see. I might like it fried".  Well, duh, everything tastes better fried. Heck, you could deep fry a Buick and it would taste good, "Mmmm, you can really taste the radiator!".

But have you ever had them...pickled? Few folks have.  I discovered them many years ago, purely by accident.

Me: what are those.

not me: taste it.

Me: but what is it?

not me: if I tell you, you won't want to try it.

Me: grrrrr, just. tell. me. what. it. is...

not me: pickled okra...

"Hmmmm", I thought to myself, "I like pickled stuff and I haven't the foggiest idea what okra is, so as long as it is soaked deeply in brine, it must be good!".

You see, pickling up north (where I originally come from), is like fried in the south. (not really, we fry things to an inch of their lives as well).

First, let's step into the way back machine to the crazy bawdy days of last year.

Significant Other sent me to the farmers' market for veggies. While there, I noticed and abundance of Okra. I thought to myself, "Well, I had it pickled and it was mighty fine dang good!" So eagerly, I picked up a bunch.

You have to remember something about okra, if you aren't a big fan of the raw stuff, you will be first struck by it's slimy texture, and also, it will seem like it never goes away.

Me: Oh for the love of pete! We still have Okra left??

SO: I know. It's been like 30 years.

Me: Why does it haunt me!

SO: Um, it's just a vegetable.

What to do? I got this crazy fritter recipe for okra out of a local mag. I was desperate. Mince, chop, mix, fry. They came out painfully aweful. However, I'm always pained to throw away perfectly good food, no matter how bad it tastes. SO gave up on them (I don't blame her), but I choked down the rest of them, more out of stubbornness than anything.

With clinched fist shaking at the sky, I vowed to pickle next time!

So here we are.

First more background! Ugh, I know. When will I get to the freaking point?????

SO, is an unbelievable cook.  And as such, about 3 years ago, chose to study under the tutelage of Jessica Prentice of Three Stone Hearth out in San Franscico.

Check out their website, they are amazing: http://threestonehearth.com/

Jessica Prentice is also the author of a great cookbook called, Full Moon Feast: Food and the Hunger for Connection

It is an exceptional book of old world traditional cooking. It contains some of the most tasty recipes plus, more so, an insightful philosophy regarding how we should be eating and why.

One of the many parts of the book deals with fermenting foods.  Now, a few of you may say, "Hmm, where did I hear about that?" or "I just read something about this in the NY Times".  Food-wise it's something of a new pet rock, but don't be fooled, fermented foods are very good for you.  All societies have fermented foods of one kind or another in their past.  Fermenting foods is yet another way to preserve foods, but more so, it also unlock and creates additional nutrients in that same food.

Since SO's apprenticeship 3 years ago, we have been fermenting foods of one kind or another.

As a side note: I recall, as a kid, my dad would regale me with tails from history and one in particular would be about Hannibal, "Hannibal, while crossing the Alps, fed all his men sauerkraut!". It's no wonder he did, because it was fermented. It's high in nutrients and stores very well for the long term. Traditionally, sauerkraut is a fermented food, so is root beer, ginger ale, kimchi, oatmeal, yogurt, wine, beer plus a whole lot more.

Fermented foods provide good gut bacteria and promote digestion.  Plus, they are really tasty!

So why am I just prattling on?  Because, that slimy old okra, is about to get a yummy make over.  No frying for us!  (I think I just heard someone wail out in disgust).

SO's good friend over at Liberty Oaks Farm (Located in beautiful Libery Hill, Texas), gave us a big bag of fresh okra.


Here is their website: http://www.libertyoakfarms.com/OrganicProduce.htm


I'm not going to lie, when I say the first thought that ran through my head was regarding those awful fritters.  But I was dang blasted to allow this little slimy buggers get the best of me.

Weaving the tail of my pickled okra experience to my SO, we decided to ferment them!

Step one: Get a mess of okra! Check.

Get a really big sealable jar...



This 3 quart baby was purchased over at Michael's. If you don't know what a "Michael's" is, it's an arts and crafts place. Yeah, I thought it odd they sold these there too, but what-the-hey.

Then begin filling it up.



You would be surprised how much it holds.

Now you have to prepare the things needed for fermentation. Take good notes here because it's a very long list...



Water and, wait for it, salt.

Whew! I think I got writers cramp.

But it's the mixture that is the hard part.

Basically, 1/2 teaspoon of salt to every 1/3 of of a cup of water.

(if you ever read the fantastic book, Salt: A World History by Mark Kurlansky the author will tell you how the perfect messurement was determined by the ancient folks. They were able to float a raw egg on the briny mixture. If you want to go hardcore and try it out).

We mixed 2 teaspoons of salt to 1 1/3 cup of water. With the ball jar filled with okra, it took about 5 of these mixtures.

That done, you have to now protect the okra. Protect against what? Mold. Moldy, moldy, mold...mold. (thank you Austin Powers)

How?

First get one of this...



Wait! That's not right! Aaaak!

You need one of these!



A cabbage. We so happened to have a red one (which leads to interesting results, you'll see later), but a regular one will work as well. Cabbages, as you did or did not know, are very dense and hold enormous amounts of water. So if you are ever stuck in the desert and happen across a cabbage patch, you will be in luck! You will have your fill of obnoxious dolls for the rest of your life.

Gently pull off a few of the leaves and lay them over the brine okra mixture.



and...



(note the guess appearance of Mrs. Hand)

You want to have it completely covered. Now you will need a heavy weight of some kind. With our little set up, we are able to use a medium sized ball jar.

Now this may get a little vague as I try to explain what you are trying to do here next.

First and foremost, you are weighting down the cabbage leaf covered okra so it stays submerged. That is vitally important. If any is exposed, it will be subject to mold.

The medium ball jar fits nicely through the throat of the 3 quart ball jar. Instead of "weighing" it down, we used pressure of the lid to push it down.

Here's a pic...



You can see the smaller ball jar pressing down on the cabbage leaves. It's pressing down on the full contents due to the lid pushing it down. In olden times, they would use a very heavy rock. THAT had to be one valuable rock. I'm sure they passed down through the ages.

Daughter: Mama, do I have your blessing to marry Ogdon?

Mama: Yes, daughter and I also pass the rock on to you!

Daughter: Oh mama, but that is grandma's great rock, I couldn't...

Mama: You will take it and you will weigh down many a cabbage!

Daughter: I got the rock!!!

Life was simpler back then.

With all this done, you have to make sure the jar has a good seal. These types of large jars have the rubber gasket configuration dealy.

But suppose you get a little mold? It's not tragic, just skim it off, then make sure your seal is okay.

Now we wait...it has to pickle/ferment.

two weeks passes...

We popped it open. Mmmmmmm pickly.

Here is our yield.



You have pickled okra. Mmmmmm.

(Purple...Um, yeah, this what happens when you use a red cabbage)

It will last you a good long time. We just finished up some sauerkraut recently that we made back in the first week of August. Still just as good as the day we first jarred it. :)

You can repeat this same process with just about anything. Onions, carrots, beets, garlic, etc. A friend tried it with fruit but I don't know how they turned out. Could be good, sweet and salty.

So there it is: fermenting foods. :) Give it shot. If you have any questions drop me an email. :) However, I would suggest doing a little reading up on it first. Get Jessica's book, you won't regret it.

And I take no responsibility if you get ill and suffer projectile vomiting. :)

Wow, this was a long one!

Before I go, a few updates...

My first few Jalapenos and Cayenne peppers...



The Jalapenos were moronically easy to grow. I did virtually nothing. We are fermenting this little buggers right now. (I just tasted one. Flames! HOT!! But oh so gooooooood) As far as the Cayennes go, these two got red right away, odd. I have a bunch more still on the plant, but still are green. So I wait...

And now for what you all have been waiting for!!! The mystery plant update!



-Shrugs- I know, I haven't the foggiest. I know what it's not. It's not a summer squash. The blossoms are orangie, so I'm thinking either a melon or pumpkin (I really want it to be pumpkin since mine croaked this past summer)

Here's a close up of a butterfly getting its lunch...



Anyway, that's it for this week. I know I have been slacking on the weekly posting promise, but I will be better, don't beat me!

Next week: We interrupt our regular programming...

What could that mean? Tune in and find out!

And as always...

Green is so wonderfully good. :)

Cheers!

Brrrr...is it bald in here or is it just me?

Now that I'm planting, I will be back to my once a week Sunday/Monday postings again. Yayyyy!!

The weather here has gotten down right normal. 85 during the day, the 50's at night.

I had to actually put on my jammies and add a blanket to the bed! Oh the humanity!!

I know you folks north of the Mason-Dixon are rolling your eyes.  Fine, roll your eyes at my cold weather wimpiness! I dare you to enjoy the sun scorching temps of Texas in August! (Puffing up my own sense of self importance!)

But then again the high temp today in my old hometown was...gulp, 56 degrees and raining! Ugh. (shudders) Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh how I don't miss that.

So probably the last thing you are thinking about is gardening. In a few weeks you will be at pains to just put a shovel in the ground without breaking the handle.

So what to do?

Basically, only 3 things go on during those tundra like months: sex, drinking and...muuuuuuuurder...moooooohoooohahahahaha!!! Oh and lots of card games!.

But If you still want fresh greens, during the dark daylight starved days of January of February, what do you do?


I can just imagine a conversation going something like this:

Husband: I need something, but I can't put my finger on it.

Wife: Sex?

Husband: What?!! No!

Wife: (sad) oh, then what is it?

Husband: (big grin on his face) I know! I need a Salad!! (jumps from chair and sprints out the door)

Wife: Wait! Wait! I can pour some thousand island dressing on myself!!!


Uh, right, I was saying? Oh yeah, Cold Frame Gardening! Wait, no I wasn't...But I am now! (nice segue, huh?)

If you have the will and the determination, you folks in the land of snow who want to still garden through the winter, can!

It's called Cold Frame Gardening. 

Think of it like mini-green houses. Very mini. 

Here's a pic and a link...

http://www.dannylipford.com/how-to-make-a-cold-frame-to-grow-vegetables-or-flowers/

This is probably the best site with the simplest to follow information regarding cold frames gardening that I have found.

What cold frames do is keep the veggies anywhere from 5-10 degrees warmer than the outside temps. Sometimes that's all you need to keep things from croaking. (with a little bit more work, you could squeeze out a few more degrees).

Search the net under "cold frame gardening" and you will see all sorts of creative ways people have built their own cold frames. Some folks use old double hung windows.

It's a commitment, but you will have lettuce and all sorts of other veggies throughout the winter. And remember the larger and taller the plant, the larger and taller the cold frame has to be to accommodate it.

Snow and bone chilling temps with iron hard ground is not for the faint of heart.

I admit readily, that I have it easy. I suffer maybe a handful of freezes throughout the winter. So a quick sprint with some shrouds is all that I need to keep things covered and alive. No, I'm not rubbing it in...much.

Give it a shot. My advice; start small.

Mean while, out in the garden, a few updates...

The Beets goes on...



Lettuce chat...



And the Mystery dance...



I'm thinking squash, but still not sure.

And lastly, here are the pics of the Morning Glory's from my backyard fence.



I'm ready for my close up, Mr. DeMille...



That's it for this week.

Next week: Okra, it's not slimy anymore!

And as always,

Green is Good, especially, when it gets a bit cooler outside. :)

Cheers!

Esta Caliente!

Okay, where the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks have I been?

Well, frankly, since the August scorch-a-thon baked what I had growing into a crispy early death, not much.

No squash, no freakin' punkins, nothing. SuburbanGuy got into a "mother-nature-hates-my-guts" type of funk.

Not having punkins hit me hard. No punkin pieeeeeeeeee, no punkin seeds, no Jack O'Lantern, no freakin' nothin!! (I sit with pouty bottom lip protruding while arms crossed, and yes, I know it's spelled "pumpkin").

So SuburbanGuy would just sit at the window breathing nose fogs upon it, looking at my garden, and sigh with images of me running bare foot through it; dancing in my head. Ahem, excuse me, that maybe a little too much information.

But there was a ray of hope. While my dead punkins mercilessly crushed my soul to tiny bits, a spark of life remained. Oddly, it was something that I tried on a lark. Something that, if it remained alive, would replace that punkin pie with the hot firery  zap of FLAVOR!

My crazy lark you ask? Jalapenos and Cayenne peppers!!! Get a load of these bad boys!



And...



This little guys are tough! I really didn't do much at all. A little fertilizer and mulch was it. They pretty much raised themselves and now I get to eat them! As things got hotter and everything else took the dirt nap, they said, MEH! Heat? HEAT? I ain't afraid of no stinking heat! BRING IT ON!!! (I just can't use enough exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Not having grown these before, I have to consult the Pepper King. A gentleman by the name of David,  whom I work with, grows peppers as pretty much his only thing. I will be bending his ear right off his head for info. Who knew that these things would grow so well??

In the mean time, while I moped around, I wasn't completely idle. I emptied out my composter and remediated my soil. Aka dug up the soil, l put down the compost, spread the soil back and sweated bullets.

That was 2 weeks ago. Between then and now, our August derth of rain has been replaced by the monsoons of September. The monster tanks are topped off and better yet, the rain was spaced in such a way, that I haven't had to water for the past week and a half!!! That's a mini-vacation to me.

The temps are getting somewhat normal as well. No more crispy leaves. Stuff grows like it should. And in out of places I would have never suspected. (you can use your imagination with that one.) I forgot to take a photo of it (I will get one soon and  post it next week), but our back fence is virtually covered with wild Morning Glories. Really beautiful.

Now that the weather is cooperating again, with seeds in hand, (and a few starter plants) I attacked the garden yesterday.

I went with a few favs and a few new faces this time around.

Cabbage



(There are actually 6 of these)

Broccoli



I kept my second round of tomatoes, just to see what happens. Now the temps at night are cooling off, they should start baring fruit again...I hope.



My experimental new faces: Kale, Chard and Brussels Sprouts



I also put down Beets and Lettuce, but they are just rows of dirt so I thought I would spare you the over exciting photos.

However, since I did put down my compost and since the green part of the compost is made up of scraps from our kitchen, something very interesting has happened...



Any idea what they heck this is? I'm thinking it's a melon of some sort, but I haven't the foggiest as to what kind it could be.

So for the moment, I'm just going to leave it and see what happens.

I don't have to put in my onions and garlic until next month so I can just let this grow.

As a friend once said, "Mysterioso".

I will keep you all updated as things change. I know you are all on the edge of your seats, personally I can hardly contain myself...um yeah.

That's it for this week. I just want to give a shout out to my old friend James whom I haven't seen in a few years.  He stumbled across this blog of insanity and has joined the other 5 1/2 people that read it. My readership is now up to a grand total of 6 1/2 people!!! Thanks James for the very kind words. :)

For those folks in the hotter climes, now is the time to put in your fall/winter crops. And for you folks, with more ambition that I pretend to have, now is the time to get out your winter frames, if you haven't done so already. Just what are Winter frames? I think I just found the topic for my next blog! Whew! I hadn't a clue as to what to write about next week.

So with all that said and until next time!

Green is Good and can be muy caliente!

I got your Stevia, right here!

I must make a confession (hangs head in shame) I love the sweet stuff.

Sugar. 

I will take it just about any form. Chocolate, lemon drops, lollipops, cake, cupcakes, heck, if you had road kill and covered it in sugar, I would probably eat that too. It's that bad. 

I have to be good. I could easily go on a major sugar eating frenzy. 

Like that scene from the Simpsons where Homer steals a truck load of Sugar. He mumbles in his delirious sugar stupor...

Homer: First you get the sugar, then you get the money, then you get the women. 

Paraphrasing Scare Face. 

Problem is, the money and the woman part would never enter my consciousness. I would be dead from sugar overdose. 

Significate Other: Doctor!! What killed him???!!!! 

Doctor: Jelly Belly Jelly Beans. 

No one wants as their epitaph "killed by beans". 

Sooooo....

Instead, I have been growing some Stevia. 

Okay. That's nice, but what the heck is it? 

Well, wikipedia explains it better than I do:

"subtropical and tropical regions from western North America to South America. The species Stevia rebaudiana, commonly known as sweetleaf, sweet leaf, sugarleaf, or simply stevia, is widely grown for its sweet leaves. As a sweetener and sugar substitute, stevia's taste has a slower onset and longer duration than that of sugar, although some of its extracts may have a bitter or licorice-like aftertaste at high concentrations."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stevia

But wait there is more!!!

"Other studies have shown stevia to improve insulin sensitivity in rats^[45] and possibly even to promote additional insulin production,^[46] helping to reverse diabetes and metabolic syndrome.^[47] Preliminary human studies suggest that stevia can help reduce hypertension^[48] although another study has shown it to have no effect on hypertension.^[49] Indeed, millions of Japanese have been using stevia for over thirty years with no reported or known harmful effects.^[50] Similarly, stevia leaves have been used for centuries in South America spanning multiple generations in ethnomedical tradition as a treatment for type II diabetes.^[51]"


But here is the kicker...


"10-15 times sweeter than table sugar"


http://www.stevia.com/Stevia_Article/Frequently_asked_questions_FAQ/2269


HOLY CRAP!

But you say, "That's some pretty sick stuff there SuburbanDweller, but what does this have to do with me?" I'm glad you asked that! (don't you love how I put words in your mouth?)

I made my own Stevia extract!! Yes, no longer will I be a Sugar junkie!!! Well, okay,  that's total BS. I just won't be as bad...really.

This is how I did it. 


First get a million dollars, oh wait, that's how you become a millionaire.


First, grow your own...

It's fairly easy to find and grow. I got my starter plant from our good friends at Home Desperate.

One teeny tiny 6 inch plant.

Partial shade is a must. It's supposed to do well in blazing heat, but I say BS on that. Out in the sun it would crisp in a matter of hours.

Mine gets about 4 hours of direct sun, then shade for the rest of the day.

I put this in our herb pot around April. I let the stems grow to about 2 feet tall. If I let it go, it would probably continue growing but the "sweetness" gets a little...gnarly. So you want to harvest the stems when they are about 1 1/2 feet to 2 feet tall.

When harvesting, you only want the top 2/3's of the stem. You want to leave at least a 1/3 standing. It must still have leaves. We learned the hard way the first time around. If you cut it down to the base, it will die.

So with your stems cut...



You want to give them a good course chop...



You want to be able to pack two cups worth of the stuff.

Get a large 3 quart Ball jar and dump your chopped Stevia into it.



Next, the fun part...



It's not just for screw drivers any more! Or shots...Not that I did any of that while making the extract...hic...

Measure off one liquid cup of your favorite variety. OR you can just get the cheap stuff. It doesn't effect the flavor, however it will effect your hangover. If you wish to have a "flavored" Stevia, you can buy one of those flavored vodkas out there.

I choose not to go the "flavored" route, mainly because the "flavoring" that is added to those vodkas isn't very...natural, regardless of their "natural flavoring" moniker.

If you really wanted to go hardcore, you could always soak some vanilla beans and add the soaked juice from them to the final project, but I digress...

Pour the one cup of vodka into the jar, tighten down the lid and shake well.

Let stand for 24 hours but not longer than 48. If you do, it will go from sweet to bitter.

You want to shake and turn it periodically.

Sooooooooooooo....I wait...shake...wait...shake...

Now through the incredible technology of the internet tubes, here's the result...



Looks like soggy spinach. Actually, it's more like pickled lettuce. Pickled as in 3 sheets to the wind.

Get a bowl, a wire strainer and some cheese cloth.



Open up the jar and dump its contents in the cheese cloth and drain.

Frankly, that will take forever.

Once in the cheese cloth, wrap up the cheese cloth around the soggy stevia and squeeze the living...poop out of it! Through the cheese cloth and drain through the sieve, that is.

This is what it should look like...



Mmmmmm, green.

Okay, this stuff is still alkie-hol soaked. While some of you might enjoy the taste of sweet vodka (tried it. all I'll say is, It was sickly sweet with a punch.)

Dump the drained green liquid into a small pot...



And simmer for 30 minutes. NEVER EVER let it boil. Keep it on the lowest possible heat. All you are trying to do here is cook off the alcohol.

After 30 minutes, turn off the heat and let it cool down.

Find your favorite funnel and a tiny jar and pour off your now extracted Stevia. Here is what you get...



That's it?????

You must remember, this is concentrated evil, I mean, sweetness.

Try a drop, it's powerfully sweet stuff.

You might want to dilute it a little. I did. I added about a tablespoon of water.

And because it's so concentrated, it will last quite a while.

Right now, we use it primarily in all our drinks we wish to sweeten, but in the future, I will be experimenting with it in baking. As I do, I will report the results.

So there it is, the sweet stuff. Home grown. Now if I could figure out how to make my own vodka. Well, if society collapses, I will post on how to make your own still!

Fun times.

Until then...

Remember, Green is Good!!!

Cheers!

Fried, fried, fried...

If you all recall my potato issue. First they were alive then I thought they were dead, then they were of a zombie variety, then then were alive again.


Sadly, I have to report some bad news...



The potatoes didn't make it.

WTF??!!! I follow the information (or so I thought) from a "grow potatoes in a barrel" site.

The whole thing with potatoes is; when they are ready, the plant dies off. Well, mine were dead. (granted, I didn't think that the 100 plus degree weather could have had ANYTHING to do with it).

I'm thinking to myself, "well, their dead, they should be ready!" I had all sorts of potato concoctions running through my head. Creamy mashed potatoes, double smashed garlic potatoes, home fries, french fries, baked, boiled and grilled.

So over I dump the metal trash can that I modified for potato production. Eagerly I dug through the dirt. I dug...and dug.....................and dug. Nothing. Not a spud to be had.

I looked at the stalks of the plant. The roots vanished about 6 inches into the dirt. They rotted away.

Ugh!!!

So I run back inside, jump on the net, google growing potatoes and wouldn't you know it, the original site that I got the info from...NO LONGER EXISTS!!!!

Is it any wonder?????!!!!!!!!!!!

So I googled other people who grew container potatoes, everyone else seemed to jibe with the same info in regards to soil prep. Which I might add, went completely AGANST THE SITE I GOT MY ORIGINAL INFO FROM!!!!!

So in essence, the person on the site I got my original info from was chatting out the back of her front!!!

Note to self: CHECK MULTIPLE SOURCES!!!!

So now I have to wait till February to try again.

The death of the potatoes really didn't help my mental state. I have lost my squash, pumpkins, peas and string beens in the last 2 weeks due to the oppressive heat.

It's been a lousy summer for me gardening-wise.

I still have hope with my new tomato and pepper plants. They seem to be hanging on. I actually have one only pepper so far, but it seems strong! My basil and the rest of my herbs seem to be hanging tough. The blackberry bushes are a little crisp but still going strong. The lemon tree and grape vine have bounced back and are doing well. The fig tree was looking a bit sorry yesterday, but I gave that a deep watering and it perked right up.

Bottom line: we need rain. I start using my reserves tomorrow. Yeah, the monster tanks are already empty. I used the last of the water tonight.

I don't know how farmers do it.

It's a bit of a downer this time around, but I'm hoping that the forecast for rain later this week proves to be true. That would go a long way.

And as always, Green is Good. A bit crunchy and brown at time, but still good!

Cheers!

On a serious note...

This past weekend found me in NYC with my family.

Being of the suburban nature, the middle aged nature and of the 1500 miles from my nearest sibling nature, I found myself missing them.

I know, right? What's with that? Me, Mr. Suburban wanna-be survivalist/farmer/fix-it type man. I should be the "go-it-alone, I can live by my suburban wits, who needs civilization" type that should be the "tough as Don Draper, cool as Frank Sinatra, insightful as Gandhi, as creative as McGiver and as stoic as an Amish Farmer"!

But alas, I miss my family.

I think about 100+ years ago, before there were airlines, reliable trains or even phones; when people moved out west to stake their land and make a go of it. They pretty much said goodbye to their immediate family. And those left in the city, were lucky to get a letter once a year containing information over 6 months old.

I hadn't seen many of my siblings for years.  I was expecting them to look the same way I saw them several years ago. However, everyone was a little grayer and had a few more wrinkles.

I was, quite suddenly, struck by how quickly time passes. The reality of life made me pause.

The coils of my very mortal soul vibrated with reflective sadness.

How busy we all are, how sometimes petty differences create voids for ridiculous reasons and how "not having the time" stretches into a habit of excuse. We all suffer from these very simple human shortcomings. Suburban man is certainly no exception. But suffering from them, and not finding a cure, is my failure.

Before my eyes, my nieces and nephews aged dramatically; while it seemed that there was no discernible passage of time, two of them were adults. How did that happen?

While I buried myself in first renovating my home and now my yard, Suburban man unwillingly and willingly allowed himself to be taken over by life's myriad of issues thus letting Suburban man forget what is truly important.

Family takes many forms. There are the traditional ones, the extended ones and the accepted ones. Whichever yours is, please keep in mind, we all really have no concept as to how truly short life is really is until it's too late.

Make sure you don't wake up one day and realize how much time has passed.

We inhabit this earth for a very brief amount of time. There are turtles that live longer than us. Turtles!

Real families love you no matter what. Just remember that. It's such an amazing thing.

Peace.

Green is Good.

Mom...

Florence Ambrico

1924-2010



I love this photo of her. She's a young 20 something with her whole life ahead of her. She has the look of whimsy, hope and peace.

This was soon after she was married in 1947.

She was my mom.

One of her favorite authors was, Somerset Maugham.

Here are a few quotes from him that I believe suites her well.

"When you have loved as she loved, you grow old beautifully."

"D'you call life a bad job? Never! We've had our ups and downs, we've had our stuggles, we've always been poor, but it's been worth it, ay, worth it a hundred times I say when I look round at my children."

"Imagination grows by exercise, and contrary to common belief, is more powerful in mature than in the young."

"Impropriety is the soul of wit"

Oh how you embodied this sayings.

My mom always loved snow, loathed, as she would say, the summer ick. Since I live in Austin, Texas, snow doesn't come our way to often.

I know my mom loved flowers. Combining both white of snow and her love of flowers we planted this in her memory.



I miss you ma.

Part 3! Insane sweat-a-thon!

When last I left you, I had just finished the actual clothesline posts.



Let's put those aside and take step out into the sweltering Texas sun. Weee...ugh.

Lately, we have been getting quite a bit of rain, so rather than like last summer when the average temp was in the billions, it's only in the millions this year. Never the less, it's still been a sweat fest.

I have been averaging about 2 shirts a day. That's two shirts completely soaked through with sweat. I'm not talking, "Oh look at my pits, they are all darkened with sweat; I can't go out in public like this!" No, I'm talking more like it appears as if I just jumped into a hot sweaty smelly pool, got out, then continued working without the benefit of cooling off. Nice image, huh?

So you ask, "But suburban man, why don't you do the manly thing and work shirtless?" Because suburban man suffers from what my brother used to call, "soap skin". Lily, easy to burn, neon bleach white skin. If I didn't have the tanned arms, I could rent myself out as the undead. But having the tanned arms only makes the contrast worse. When I take off my shirt, it's like ripping the wrapper off a signal flare, "Put your shirt back on!!!! I'm blinded!!"

So I keep my shirt on. My days of being a sun worshiper ended many years ago. I'm now a skin cancer free worshiper. :)

ANYWAY...

First, get one of these...



Post hole digger. Check.

I measured out from the fence as to where to dig the holes. Check.

Then I measured the distance between them. Check.

Then I dug. Check.

All proud of myself, after digging 2 1/2 feet down...



Twice. Double check.

I went to bed happy.

The next day, I had to water my plants. And as you can see from the post hole digger photo, the monster water tanks are right next to the holes.

Looking at the holes, all full of myself, admiring my handy work, I paused. Hmmm, something doesn't look right.

I thought to myself, "hmmm, deep holes, not line up". It couldn't be. I freaking measured the dang things...TWICE!!!

I drop my watering can, sprint inside, get a tape measure and sprint back outside.

Now, I'm my own worst critic. When ever I do any sort of project around the house, I go through a stage of self abuse. I want it to be perfect. I want no mistakes. I want it to shine as the best thing on the earth. I want people to look at it and say, "My god, you missed your calling; you should do this for a living and bestow your gift to the world!!". So as a result, I basically enter into constant self loathing swearfest when I think there is a problem.

So, while I'm sprinting back and forth to get the tape measure, the world slows down, I can't get the tape measure fast enough and I can't check for the possible mistake soon enough. So my mental process on the outside appears like this...

"!#$!#$%#%@!!!! I measured the @#$!#$ thing twice!!! @#$#$#@$ measuring tape must be WRONG!!!"

While, to me its more like...

"whyyyyyyy isssssssn't myyyy feeeeeeeeat mooooooving faaaaaasterrrrrr!!! Muuuuuust geeeeeeet taaaaaaaaaaaape meeeeeeeasurrrrrrrrrrrre!!!!"

I set out the tape measure for the first hole. Correct distance. I then turn my head to the right to check the second hole, which is about 12 feet from me.  I. Can. Tell. It's. Off!!!! UGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

To quote Nancy Kerrigan from the 1994 winter olympics just after she got hit in the knee by Jeff Gillooly, "WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!"
Well, neither am I an Olympic athlete nor was my knee at stake, but the anguish was similar...well, maybe not.

However, I could have crushed bricks with my hands, I was so PO'd.

When this happens, I get of this single mind, somewhat Hulk-like, "Get out way, me must dig or kill!!!"

I filled in the hole then dug the replacement. All the while, sweating off all my unsightly weight in the blazing sun.

So, now the second hole is dug, D*MN IT! I taught that freaking hole a lesson!!! Mess with me will you!!! No stinking hole will laugh at me!!! Hmmm, that last part was a little weird.

Breath in...breath out...

I needed to relax. I needed to kick back a little. What I needed was a drink!

Nothing better than after sweating out your brains on a hot summer day than  kicking back with a nice cool Gin and Tonic!

If you really want to learn the proper way to make the perfect Gin and Tonic, I highly suggest you read the book, "Cosmopolitan: A Bartender's Life", by Toby Cecchini.

The next day, I was of better mind and wanted to finish this thing. Or do quote from the movie "Tropic Thunder", "Let's do this!"

First step, make the concrete forms.

I ripped  8 2" piece of 1/4" wood into 1 1/2 foot lengths. Then shot them together with my brad gun...



Here is the end...



And the finished product..



This time I made sure of the placement and measurements.

At first I was going to anchor them with little stakes, but then I thought, dirt will do just fine. I just backfilled against the forms.



Remember I had to do everything twice.

Then I placed in the posts.



And put in the supports....



which I anchored with nails on the post and rebar in the ground...





Everything was ready now for the concrete. Or in my case: Quikrete.



I over bought a little, but in the near future I have to move my fence so I will need some for the new fence posts.

Here it is dry...



And the wet...



Harking back to my childhood,  which seemed to be filled with various instances of concrete and cement events, I remember that my dad would tell me, "you want the consistancy to be like peanut butter". I never looked at PB&J sandwiches the same way ever again.

But he was right. Not too soupy, not too dry. You want to be able to pick it up and make it into a wet ball that doesn't crumble apart.

And if all else fails, just follow the directions on the outside of the bag. ;)

I would have loved to take a picture of the process of filling the holes, however, I was doing this by myself so it's a bit tough to take pictures with Quickrete encrusted hands.

Just use your imagination.

So with holes filled, I now had to wait 24 hours for it to be completely dry.

The next day, with the concrete all dry, it was time to rig the lines.

I got a 100 foot run of cotton clothesline and these little babies...



Here's what they look like installed...



Rather than tying a knot, because knots fray, the little metal loop takes the wear and tear off the line itself. Plus, as the line slackens, which cotton line always does, it takes very little effort to cinch them back up with these clamps.

So with the lines installed, let's see if it matches my original 3D concept.

3D


Real McCoy...



Not too bad, if I say so myself.

This whole ordeal was a lengthy, pricey ordeal. Would I ever do it again? I don't have to, I did it once. LOL Yeah, I would. Would I do anything differently? Actually, no. It matched exactly what I planned and designed.

The question now is: will it last? Only time will tell.

This whole thing took place, all together, about 2 weekends. Without the various screw ups, probably 1 1/2 weekends.

Cost: about 150 bucks all said and done. The wood was by and far the biggest expense.

Difficulty level: (on a scale from one to insane) I would say this was merely insane level. You need fairly good grasp of wood working skills. Need a basic knowledge of working with concrete and know how to plumb a vertical object. It's hot and heavy work. (I think I drank in the area of about 10 - 12 gallons of fluids during this whole ordeal). And I probably sweat off about 5 to 10 pounds of unsightly weight. :)

This is a very do-able project, but make sure you plan plan plan. First figure out what you want, then find a spot and finally, make it happen. :)

Well there is it. A clotheline. This is the last one on the list of my insane backyard projects that I had when I first started writing about this stuff way back when.

And no, this doesn't mean that this is the end of the blog. There is so much more to come. Look at everything up to this point as Backyard1.0 Next will be Backyard 2.0

The basics are done. Now I can start creating things that will add to the aesthetics and beauty of the yard.

What's next? Oh, so much more misery. LOL I have to chisel out our side walk that runs along the side of our garage. Construct two arbors. Put up two fences. Plus a host of other little things along the way.

I'm going to be playing around with the format of this blog and I will also be making a valiant effort at updating this crazy thing on a weekly basis. Probably Sundays or Mondays, not sure yet.

With that said, I leave you with the last photo from this little endevour.

Y'all take care and always remember: Green is Good.

Cheers!!!



'10 C + W