Sunday, May 25, 2014

I know...It's been, like, forever...

Where the H. E. double hockey sticks have I been?

Actually, right here for the past YEAR AND A HALF...almost. Staring at the screen. My Much more significant other would poke me from time to time to make sure I was still alive.

Writers block? Mental block? Rock around the clock?

The 2 cent tour is: bad back, bee stings...many many many bee stings, and a monumental amount of really lame excuses as to why I couldn't blog.

Call it Blog fright. Something like stage fright but without the stage, people, lights and me. I took lots of pictures and they have been sitting on my little SD card for months.

So many things I have been wanting to write but I. just. couldn't. do. it. I know, weird, right?

Okay, to recap. My garden last year was less then good. Frankly, it was meh. I stressed the soil and the yield was kind of awful. I was down right bummed out. (who the heck uses that expression anymore?)  Then on top of that, my bees were like freaking crazy bees from hell.

I have a total bee sting count of 26. Most of which were from last year.

The worst one was the sting on my shin. Because the swelling really hasn't any place to go in that very thin skinned area, it goes everywhere else. It wound up looking like this...

 photo elephantleg_zps62bd9d3e.jpg

(word of advise: if you ever google "elephant leg" be prepared to see things you can't unsee)

My calf blended in very nicely with my foot, skipping my ankle entirely.

So while I sat at home on my couch with my leg up, hoping my toes would return to their normal state instead of pork rolls, I found myself two days later with a killer back ache.

As a result my already less than spectacular garden suffered from neglect until my back healed.

Oh and how did I sting my leg in first place? I was inspecting a swarm of bees on the roof of my building where I work. I didn't have my "bee boots (sneakers)" and a freakin' bee crawled up my leg!!!

Okay, so that sucked.

Then there was this...

 photo Stungface_zps0a388b68.jpg

Now if you didn't know me or what I look like, you would think, yeah, the eyes are a little shut but nothing bad. But the observant of you out there have noticed that this is a mirror image, with both sides swollen.

Now this is what I really a looked like...

As an old friend out in California once remarked when he saw me after a bicycle accident...

 photo face_zps7149bcf7.jpg


That was just one sting. And what gets me, what really pee's me off is that the little bugger stung me right under the arm of my glasses! How the EFF????!!!

Then finally, there is this one. Now, this is a few days after the swelling has gone down but if you think of a normal ear, then look at mine, then you will see just how bloated it really is. Okay, and yes, I have earlobes like Jon Bernthal...

 photo MV5BMTcwNzA5MDg0OV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMTU2NjE0Nw_V1_SY317_CR90214317_AL__zpse39ee8dd.jpg

Well maybe not. You could put hammocks on those things.

Anyway, a little background, when I was a kid, I got stung by squadron of mosquitos on the very same ear. And as a result, since then, my brother loves to regale those willing to listen of the tale about the massive kamikaze attack on my hearing apparatus. Well, this blows that out of the water...

 photo photo-1_zps81190c28.jpg

See that little brown dot on the outer rim of my ear? That's where the little yellow and black striped demon stung me!!!

Now, most rational people would think, "That's it, I'm done, no more bees!" Considering that the sting on my face and on my ear happened when I was gardening, I wasn't even inspecting the hives!! I'm not even going into the 6, yes 6, stings I got on my hand and wrist! This happened because my sweat-soaked bee gloves pasted to my arms!  This then allowed the bees unfettered access to my skin through the very thin material - to sting me!!! (I've gotten new gloves since)

(I'm going for my own personal record for the amount of exclamation points used)

Why am I still keeping them? (get it, keeping them...bee keeping...heh...heh...ah yeah...)

Because of the tasty, tasty honey--which is basically bee vomit.

So that's why!

Upon reflection, I should retitle this blog the "woe is me" blog for the giant pity party I'm throwing myself.

You just try to deal with multiple bee stings and see how you react!...WHAT...ever! ...(sulk sulk)

Okay, now that was weird.

On to the Garden!!!


That's why y'all read my rantings anyway, right? RIGHT?


Because of my back, stings and other ailments, I have had to put all the other projects on hold for a while, however, that didn't prevent me from turning over the soil and putting in some fresh compost.

I had to do it in stages because if I did it in one shot, my back would have blown out completely and I wouldn't be, well,  writing this right now. So there! Naaaa! (sticks out tongue).

It's still early but I have some very interesting things to show you (well, interesting to me, and heck, this is my blog and if you don't like it, well just write your own! Please don't. I'm sorry. I need the viewers. Don't beat me)

(Taken with my fancy new picture taker)

First Zucs...

 photo photo-2_zpse86be96d.jpg

First, but not ripe, tomatoes...

 photo IMG_1856_zps9d93f047.jpg

Acorn Squash...

 photo IMG_1868_zps57b25969.jpg

Spaghetti Squash...

 photo IMG_1869_zps58e66479.jpg


 photo IMG_1852_zpsb770b5fe.jpg

And now the mystery question for this post.

What the heck are these???

 photo IMG_1863_zps390fc67d.jpg


 photo IMG_1861_zps59bd3387.jpg

They popped out of my compost.

Any ideas?

Okay, I will do my best to actually write more instead of sitting and staring at the screen.

And as always, Green is Good even if it stings now and then.



Anonymous said...

Check check is this thing on?

Merle said...

It's about freakin' time you wrote! And yes, the honey is worth it!

Sister Sue said...

OMG LOL your face! Yes, the honey is definitely worth it. Funny post. Laughed all the way through.

John Blair said...

Good stuff, Will. It looks like your on your way to a bumper crop this year, I can feel it!